Yesterday, Reverend Carol opened her sermon with a story of a recent visit to their backyard with her daughter. The daughter, 4 years old, thought it was a great idea for mother and daughter to lie down in the clover-laden yard and watch the sky. Isn’t that sweet? That wasn’t my first thought, however. I hoped that neither got stung. Honeybees are notorious for infesting clover blossoms. Is my brain different?

Another example. When I see intricately carved wood, I don’t marvel at the workmanship or the beauty of the piece. My thought? You’ll never get the dust out of the curlicues.

In one sense I’ve developed a reputation for negativity, but I maintain that my brain is different. My brain looks at the practicality of an issue or object. Wear black or white pants? Not in a household with two cats. Crystal chandelier in the dining room? Have you ever had to clean one? It takes all day! Drive a luxury car? Insurance, repairs, and maintenance cost too much, not to mention the cost of the vehicle itself. If it can’t get me there in half the time — legally — who needs one?

Don’t get me wrong. I think there are some wonderful inventions in our world. Disposable diapers and baby wipes are two. Sure, they aren’t fast when it comes to biodegrading in a landfill, but have who cares when your innocent one puts out soupy poopy for three days in a row. I also like automatic garage door openers. It’s so nice to not walk out the the rain, snow, or freezing cold to go somewhere.

Indoor plumbing is good, especially when your stomach is feeling a little soupy at 3 am and rain is falling in sheets. And there’s the Furminator, a special brush that gets more hair off your cats than a regular cat brush. By the time I’ve Furminated both cats, I can supply enough hair for an entire litter of kittens.

So, let the people who want, buy fancy things. I’m more interested in simplicity and practicality.